19. Southampton

 Whenever anybody mentions Southampton I always fondly remember my great uncle Guillaume Le Wibblette who lived for many years in the Polygon area of the city.

As you can probably tell by his name, he originated in the Channel Islands so there is a little French influence there.  He always realised that his future lay away from the small islands so set sail for Southampton dock as soon as he was of legal age.

The attraction to Southampton arose not only for the sheer delight he felt when Bobby Stokes slammed in the winner at Wembley against some bang average provincial side (their name escapes me right now) to lift the FA Cup way back in 1976, but also for his disdain for all things French.  He rather liked washing, didn't like garlic, would rather poke himself in the eye with a sharp stick than eat snails and could never really get the hang of their Letters.

Apart from his deep enduring love of Southampton FC his twin passion was entertaining.  He found a home for himself in the theatre.  Although the shiny lights of London beckoned he resisted their obvious allure preferring to remain with what he now considered his home town theatre.  On stage he was a master wit and raconteur providing great joy for thousands.  Later in life as work dried up he could still be found in one of the many inns and taverns that populate the dock area where he would always be happy to do a turn for the old sailors.  It was said that his knowledge of matters French actually came to his aid in this respect but when people say this I have no idea what they mean.

It is for this reason alone that I will be supporting Southampton against whichever team they happen to be playing today.

18. Middlesbrough

 

Whenever anybody mentions Middlesbrough I fondly remember my great uncle Ridley S. Wibble who lived in the Eston area of the city and was an avid supporter of his local team.  He was considered “dead posh him like” by his neighbours but this was more to do with him having electric lighting and carpets in his house than his refined manner and tastes.

 

His middle initial sadly did not stand for Scott but for Smoggie and such was his impact on the local area that the people of Middlesbrough are to this day, proud to be known as ‘Smoggies’.

 

From his earliest days Ridley was an inspiration.  The famous Middlesbrough Transporter Bridge is said to be based on a Meccano model he made as part of a school project.  The great and the good of Teesside were simply blown away by his ingenuity.  They immediately recognised its potential to really put the town on the map.  And to use up the tons of scaffolding poles that were lying around after a minor clerk made an error with a decimal point on an import order.

 

Ridley was a great friend of the late Brian Clough and was the person most responsible for persuading him to take up football management after his playing career was cut short by injury.

 

As a close friend of Chris Rea, it is rumoured that he penned the best-selling “Driving Home for Christmas” song for him.  He gave Mr Rea some sage advice about the video: don’t mention that you come from Middlesbrough as that will destroy the allure for the listener.

 

It is for this reason alone that I hope Middlesbrough spank whatever team they happen to be playing tonight.